Tantra Massage - a Guide
Updated: May 1, 2020
Tantra Massages are well known - but what actually happens during one may still be shrouded in mystery. Is there a purpose - or is it just for fun? Is lovemaking involved? What can be expected from a massage? Are massages different between practitioners? In this post I will try to clarify some of the mystery and give my take on it.
One of the misconceptions around tantra is that it is inherently sexual. This is a myth - and most actual tantrics agree that only around 5% of this spiritual practice is centered around this specific subject (you can get nerdy here). Despite its reputation, this can actually also be said of the tantra massage, even if both parties are naked and the sexual energy feels crazy orgasmic.
What is the purpose then?
Ask yourself this: what would it feel like if you were loved unconditionally? If you could let go, surrender, and trust so completely - in such a way - that your true self would emerge without shame, denial, or guilt?
These feelings which surfaces in you is the essence of a tantra massage, and a purpose - if there is such a thing. And potentially your path to healing. This can remove blockages, whether they are physical, mental, emotional, sexual or even psychosomatic.
When you book a tantra massage you are the receiver and nothing else. You don't have to be anyone, or do anything. Just be. You are free to be whoever you are in your body, and move and scream and moan and laugh and sing, or be silent, without judgement, shame, or expectations.
So the question rather becomes: who are you and what is your desire?
About lovemaking, sexual energy, and eroticism
Massages are very intimate and often involve yoni or lingam massage (internal vaginal massage or penis massage), anal massage (prostate), or even yoni-lingam massage (penetrative massage with penis/vagina) - or in some cases actual lovemaking, depending on the practitioners intent and background.
Be mindful of your boundaries when any of the above are offered - especially lovemaking. It can be mind-blowing, but with someone who is not your partner, sexual intercourse as part of the massage can cause trauma - especially if you have difficulty setting boundaries. It can leave you feeling hollow, used, and neutralize any sexual energy lifted in the massage. If you, on the other hand, are looking for a tantric sexual experience specifically, it is better to talk with your practitioner beforehand and try to describe your desire.
To clarify,"sexual energy" refers to life-force energy, or chi, qi, or prana - it has many names, but it is not sexual per definition. The name can be confusing but it refers to its point of origin rather than what it is for. When we then talk about moving this really potent energy we are describing a process wherein that energy is either dispersed all over your body or transmuted into another type of energy, revitalizing your body and providing pleasure in your whole body rather than a localized area.
And this is where the term eroticism comes in (as opposed to sexual). An erotic massage is soft, gentle, and lasting provides a lasting sensation, versus a sexual one, which more wants to go somewhere. It is like seeing an attractive person on the bus, connecting and appreciating each other, and leaving it there without going further. You both knew and you both had an amazing experience and will remember that moment.
What happens in the Tantra Massage?
The tantra massage i offer is principally a session divided into 4 parts: talk, back, front, and yoni, typically in that order.
The massage itself starts with a brief conversation. The purpose of this talk is to get an idea of your intention, boundaries, life situation, emotional state, and overall health - and for you to ask any questions you may have. Since the massage is adapted to you, it is a good to mention where you are in your menstrual cycle, if you have any chronic pains or any type of medical ailments that you think are relevant. You will also be asked if you would like the yoni massage.
Before the massage you will be asked to shower if you haven't done this before arriving. You will then be invited to lie on your front on the mattress. Nakedness in the Tantra Massage is optional, but it is optimal for the full experience. I wear underwear. If you have other preferences, you are invited to request this as well.
The massage always starts with a connection, then a brief spiritual preparation followed by no-touch energetic work which will continue until I feel that your body and energetic field is ready for touch, in respect of your boundaries. When this is felt, the massage is initiated with a super light and subtle touch caressing your whole back, top to bottom, followed by applied oil. The massage then goes into a beautiful intuitive blend of pressure, weight, banging, shaking, stretching, lifting, twisting, holding, and conscious touch, at different paces, all over your back, intuitively dispersed in accordance with your energy. Furthermore, your energies are supported by soothing light strokes, lifting your sexual energy upwards, activating your kundalini. You will then be asked to turn around. This part usually continues on the upper back, neck and head, using your weight at pressure to create deep relaxation and long strokes to hold your frame and lift your energy even further. The gentle face massage, which is next is without oil to protect your eyes. The the massage proceeds on to chest, shoulders, hands, arms, and breasts in the pace which is felt to be natural and supportive. The stomach, which usually holds a lot of tension and emotions, is given extra attention. The massage then proceeds with the hip, legs, and feet, before a support of your energies is repeated like on the back.
If you decided not to have a yoni massage the massage ends here with a soft energy spread, space and time for you to slowly come back in your own time, a glass of water, and a cuddle if you'd like.
Whatever energy, emotional or otherwise, comes to the surface during your massage will be held and supported. This means that some massages will have a longer focus in one area and spend more time than expected - sometimes eating in on the time alotted for the yoni massage. If this part of the massage is important to you, please note this before in the talk.
The Yoni massage
The yoni massage is minimum 30 minutes on its own. Since every single woman and her body is unique, the pacing and time spent before and in the actual yoni massage highly differ, and because of the sensitivity and care applied it will take whatever time is needed. I will also gently ask you, when this point is reached, if you still want this massage so that you can feel into if you still would like it or not.
After positioning, the yoni massage always starts with a soft preparation, making sure that you and your body is ready for the coming journey. Loving conscious touch is slowly applied over the breasts, stomach, thighs, bottom, and legs, before slowly moving towards your temple. Since it is very important that I wait for an invitation, extra care is taken to observe how your body is reacting and nothing is done without me feeling that there is full consent. This preparation may therefore take some time. When I feel that your body is ready, the outside of the yoni will be softly touched and massaged before entering, which is done only if there is an opening and invitation. The entry is slow, with a lot of presence, massaging points around the entry point to feel into if there is tension or pain. This is continued by locating your different internal erogeneus areas, activating them with pressure or touch, while noticing how your body is reacting. The yoni is then gently mapped while checking for millia, tense and numb points, before a pressure massage is applied to relieve and relax muscles. The yoni massage then ends here with a soft, slow, and respectful exit, yoni cupping to ease the disconnect, energy spread and gentle caress, space and time for you to slowly come back, a glass of water, and a cuddle if you'd like.
Before, during, and after the massage
When booking the massage, it is a good idea to have a clear calendar after. Energy may be moving and emotions may come up, up to 3 days after your massage - but especially in the hours after. It is recommended to go for a walk in nature or take good care of yourself if you want the effects to last.
During the massage it is recommended to aim to let go of thoughts and worries by just putting your consciousness on my hands and feel into the touch. You are welcome to move and place your body to make yourself more comfortable as you wish. You are also invited to ask questions, or speak, moan, or make noises - since these can be part of a release. If you feel the need to touch me during the massage, either for support or anchoring, this is okay as long as it does not have a sexual nature.
When the massage is over you can ask to cuddle, talk, or just be left on your own for a little while if you need it, it is entirely up to you. You can also express how you feel or provide any questions you may have. It is recommended not to shower straight after, since this can neutralize your energy flow.
Orgasms and feelings
Orgasms are beautiful, magical, and amazing, and deeply nourishing - and of course connected with this type of work. You may get orgasms from any part of the massage, like breast or butt orgasms, combined orgasms, orgasms in the yoni massage, or full-body orgasms. Anything may happen. Or you may be deeply touched, feel grief or sadness, blissful, or maybe numb - feel nothing at all, which may be painful in itself. There may be pain or pleasure, endless streams of thoughts that won't leave or complete silence. Again - anything may happen.
Or nothing may happen (which is also something). And this is an important point with the tantra massage - the massage itself is not designed to give you any of the above sensations, or to fix you - it is designed to for you to unfold in whatever way you need, even if it is something completely different than anything mentioned above.
So my best recommendation is to try not to have any expectations of the massage and yourself. This will help your relaxation.
What does a tantra massage feel like?
Everyone have different experiences trying tantra massages. You can read a well-written introduction here.
What some of my clients have said
"I feel as if every cell in my body has been activated, filled with light and energy. I feel calm and energized at the same time"
"I still can't put it into words, but it was a very special, fantastic, and pleasant experience"
“It is as if all my grief and sadness is gone. There is only love. I feel only love right now!”
Possible effects of a tantra massage
You may experience many different reactions in your body, thoughts, and emotions during the massage. All reactions are equally welcome and you are free to ask questions or share what you feel along the way. Effects may include:
Treatment of common sexual dysfunctions
Alleviation of blocked (or stuck) emotions and energy
Cultivation of contentment, pleasure, and joy
Improvement of orgasmic and pleasure potential
Clearing the mind, inner peace, and reduction of stress
Promotion of relaxation and a feeling of being grounded
Ignition of a spiritual awakening and realization
What to be mindful of
A rule of thumb is that tantra massages, and any practitioner hereof, do not have protected titles. This means that anyone potentially can call themselves anything from: "Tantra Massage Guru", to "Mr. Golden Hands", and do any type of work involving tantra as part of their name or brand. Because of this, the quality, type, and intention of massage can differ massively between practitioners, clinics/studios, and even between official schools or educations - and there can be some risk involved when booking.
What is your own underlying intention for getting the massage. Do you have a longing to be loved? Do you have a desire which needs to come out into the light? Are you curious about yourself and your potential? Do you want to open up? Is it spiritual enlightenment you are searching for? Are you just curious? is it purely sexual?
A good idea is to check with the practicioner or studio if your desire is offered. In my case you are most welcome to contact me, even if you are unsure of the above, and I will gladly help you map your intention or advice you on how to proceed.
Do the research
Look up reviews on the masseur. Do you know anyone who have tried him/her and can they recommend them? Look at their website and see if they align with you or if you resonate with them. Take contact, maybe ask to talk or take a tour before deciding.
No is a full sentence
When something feels wrong to you then it is wrong. Any doubts or bad feelings in your body should be honored and respected in full by the masseur (and yourself), so express what is happening and say no if in doubt. Remember: consent is everything, a no is a yes to yourself, and you even don't have to explain yourself - you can always change your mind later.
You can contact me or book your tantra massage here
Let me know what you think about this article, contact me, book a massage, or just say hi - I am available on Slow-Bodywork.com